Stress and Coping

Clearly, everyone has their challenges in life, and more specifically in their current situation. There may be a frustration in the area of work and career, financial pressures, or problems with one’s family or partner, to name a few external stress factors. There are also internal stressors, such as issues with confidence and self-esteem, anxieties, or troubles with feeling low, stuck, or without joy.

Yet importantly, every one of us also has a certain strength, a resilience, or a number of helpful ways to actually deal with these concerns. Not that they work perfectly, but, by and large, we are still on top of our issues in many parts of our lives, not in all, but in enough areas so we get by, have meaningful relationships, make our way to work, function in our families, and “stay afloat”. Most of the time, on the balance of power, we are one step ahead or still in control.

There can be times in the course of our lives when things get on top of us. Maybe we had been able to deal with one issue at a time, but now the problems seem to come from all sides. It feels as if these are crowding us out and exceeding our ability to cope. Another scenario is that a particular “curved ball” hits us, out from “left field”, say, a particularly bad boss, a health problem, or family troubles. It may not even be a spectacularly bad event we encounter; we may just have gotten so tired or disillusioned by the daily grind of our roles, responsibilities, and routines that we find less and less strength to face these yet another day. That would be a time when the ‘stuff’ gets on top of us.

Looking at it from this angle, it seems not surprising that this may happen at some stages of our lives. In fact, given how well you have coped and how much effort you have put into managing things for so long, (although it was very difficult), it is a sign of your strength and your fantastic motivation: that the “wheels did not fall off” sooner. So on one hand well done! However on the other hand instead of relying just on ‘soldering on’ and the strategies you have already on board: this seems to be also a very good time to get a few new strategies on board to help you deal more successfully with any future issue that arises.

There are times when we need to upload some additional tools for our toolbox; when we want to acquire a few more, helpful strategies to get us again on top of the stuff, and we can roll again with less effort or friction.

Of course, you are not new to this, and sure you have already tried a few things: helpful stuff and a maybe few “naughty” things to get by; and nobody blames you for that. In fact, that all has helped you to keep it together under the pressures you are facing. Nobody demands of you to give up, or ‘overcome’ or quit any of that; after all you have found these helpful, for now. The idea is, to keep on board whatever works for you, and add some more, potentially more effective and powerful strategies, so that things move again for you. Yet it is possible you will resort less and less to old, unhelpful escapes, because you will no longer feel the need to or want to. This is certainly not the goal; it may be a positive side effect that is frequently observed when someone again grasps control over their life and gets well.